Frustration and More Frustration


I haven’t kept up. I know this is partly due to laziness and my own reluctance to dive into my thoughts and feelings on a daily basis. Generally, mentally, I am a positive person and I tend to always look on the bright side of things. Emotionally, I tend to be along the same way more often then not. Physically, well, since the car accident just shy of 2 years ago, I have been full of aches and pains that I cannot explain and this frustrates the crap out of me.

I went through 9 months of physiotherapy and 5 months of massage therapy for the lower back and severe whiplash injuries I sustained from being rear-ended. And I rarely experience symptoms related to this ingury (YAY)! I also practiced yoga for a time but due to the economy, I can no longer afford the $150/month membership that my work graciously compensated me for an entire year. I do however, have a gym membership and my gym bag is collecting dust…

I had to stop yoga aside from the costs. I have developed a pain in my wrist quite severe that lasts for days when I over use it or apply weight to it. X-rays have been taken and results will be found out early April. As well, I have a pain in my shoulder that makes lifting anything over 10-15 lbs impossible without a sharp stabbing and burning pain. This is also the same arm as the wrist and happens to be my dominant arm. I question this pain a lot. Is it carpal tunnel, repetitive strain injury, damage to my rotator cuff, fibromyalgia? Are they releated or completely seperate pains. What are they caused by? The wrist, I have had issues with since a teenager on and off. The shoulder, well, this is new and it considerably limits what I can do in the gym.

I am also tired quite a lot. Blood tests showed by B12 was considerably low. I began taking B12 injections and although they helped, they did not help as much as I wanted. People tell me I have too much stress in my life and that I take on too much. I don’t feel stressed out all the time but perhaps my body is handing it in a different way and making me tired and achy. I have cried in these past 12 days though and I feel relief after. I am trying not to push my feelings deep down inside me. I have cried for my Grandfathers passing. I know I will never be done crying for him, but each time I do cry, a new memory pops up and makes me smile. I had 37 years with my Opa. That in itself is a blessing. I am one of the lucky ones to have had him for so long in my life.

Today I am tired mentally, emotionally and physically though. I am fed up of the aches and pain. The internet is a wonderful and terrible place at the same time. You can research your symptoms and end up with 30 different diseases. Thankfully, I see my GP in a month and can get a more educated guess of what is causing all of this and what I can do to help the process.

So, day 12 brings many different frustrations my way. Many would give up but that is not an option I would ever consider. I will get through this and be even stronger for doing it. It’s just a matter of determining the underlying cause and tackling it head on.

Day 12 of 39

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2 Comments

Filed under My 39 days of feeling

2 responses to “Frustration and More Frustration

  1. Bee

    My thoughts and prayers are with you, Kristal. I think you know I am a fellow pain sufferer. Like you, I tend to research everything because I want to know exactly what is going on. What is hard to research is what you discuss in the post…the frustration, the depression, the aches that take center stage in your brain. It is not an easy path. I like your fighting spirit, though…never, never give up. Bless you, my friend!

  2. Even talking about it might help some. Pain is mysterious stuff. Sometimes I think it is just a way to tell that we are alive. I hope you will be able to find answers and relief.

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