Category Archives: My 39 days of feeling

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I have been a bad blogger.  I apologize.  I have been following through with my goal of feelings, I just haven’t posted about it.  I have finally allowed myself to grieve and cry over the loss of my Opa.  I have learned that I can still cry and be strong and that in itself is a wonderful realization.

I have been busy though.  I have been sewing. I bought myself a Kobo e-reader and am reading a lot again.  Both of my cats are making sure I spend ample quality time with them and the home renovation saga continues.  Kitchen tiles need the grouting completed, ceiling and walls need painting and wallpaper accent wall needs to get done.  Oh, and the trim needs painting too.  And this is only in the kitchen!

I have been to the doctor and tested negative for Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis, but I now need to see a Rheumatologist to figure out what is causing the pain flare-ups.  Good and bad news right?

But now, it’s time for bed.  Hope you all have a peaceful evening and I promise to try to post more often and promise to post pictures soon of my projects.  Some are gifts and I can’t post until they are received!

In the words of a dear blogger friend, Bee Well.

 

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Kitty Couch


It’s been a great week for me. My mood is good. I have more energy than normal and I have reacquainted myself with my sewing machine!

My parents are winter Texans and last year they brought home meters upon meters if fabric for me with a simple request of making a bed for one of their cats. Almost a year has passed and this past week I have fulfilled their request.
Buster, and his sister Dusty are Maine
Coons. Dusty is an average size cat. Buster, well, he is 25 pounds and is 42 inches long and is NOT overweight. Here they are laying on a kitty quilt I made them in the summer.

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I decided not to make a typical cat bed as Buster is not a typical cat. I found and purchased the pattern and followed the directions to the most part. It called for lining to hold the foam beads used in bean bag chairs. I will not use lining again for this. The static between the two is horrible and the lining is annoying to work with. Inexpensive broadcloth would have worked much better. Here are the insides. The outer fabric is removable for washing and all the pieces are held together with 2 inch strips of Velcro.

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And here is the finished product already being used by my little munchkin!

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The bed is 2.5 feet long and is 8 inches off the floor. I am definately making another one and know what minor changes in the pattern to make it easier to put together. Buster, hope you like it but until you get home in 3 weeks, Binky is going to test it out for you!

Day 17 of 39

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Frustration and More Frustration


I haven’t kept up. I know this is partly due to laziness and my own reluctance to dive into my thoughts and feelings on a daily basis. Generally, mentally, I am a positive person and I tend to always look on the bright side of things. Emotionally, I tend to be along the same way more often then not. Physically, well, since the car accident just shy of 2 years ago, I have been full of aches and pains that I cannot explain and this frustrates the crap out of me.

I went through 9 months of physiotherapy and 5 months of massage therapy for the lower back and severe whiplash injuries I sustained from being rear-ended. And I rarely experience symptoms related to this ingury (YAY)! I also practiced yoga for a time but due to the economy, I can no longer afford the $150/month membership that my work graciously compensated me for an entire year. I do however, have a gym membership and my gym bag is collecting dust…

I had to stop yoga aside from the costs. I have developed a pain in my wrist quite severe that lasts for days when I over use it or apply weight to it. X-rays have been taken and results will be found out early April. As well, I have a pain in my shoulder that makes lifting anything over 10-15 lbs impossible without a sharp stabbing and burning pain. This is also the same arm as the wrist and happens to be my dominant arm. I question this pain a lot. Is it carpal tunnel, repetitive strain injury, damage to my rotator cuff, fibromyalgia? Are they releated or completely seperate pains. What are they caused by? The wrist, I have had issues with since a teenager on and off. The shoulder, well, this is new and it considerably limits what I can do in the gym.

I am also tired quite a lot. Blood tests showed by B12 was considerably low. I began taking B12 injections and although they helped, they did not help as much as I wanted. People tell me I have too much stress in my life and that I take on too much. I don’t feel stressed out all the time but perhaps my body is handing it in a different way and making me tired and achy. I have cried in these past 12 days though and I feel relief after. I am trying not to push my feelings deep down inside me. I have cried for my Grandfathers passing. I know I will never be done crying for him, but each time I do cry, a new memory pops up and makes me smile. I had 37 years with my Opa. That in itself is a blessing. I am one of the lucky ones to have had him for so long in my life.

Today I am tired mentally, emotionally and physically though. I am fed up of the aches and pain. The internet is a wonderful and terrible place at the same time. You can research your symptoms and end up with 30 different diseases. Thankfully, I see my GP in a month and can get a more educated guess of what is causing all of this and what I can do to help the process.

So, day 12 brings many different frustrations my way. Many would give up but that is not an option I would ever consider. I will get through this and be even stronger for doing it. It’s just a matter of determining the underlying cause and tackling it head on.

Day 12 of 39

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The Picture Says It All


After a day of snow, then rain, then snow, then rain and below zero temperatures, I haven’t been in the best of moods. Winter, I could live without.
I was glad to come home and be greeted by my two beautiful kitties waiting for me at the door. Days like this, I am even more grateful to have the love of my pets.

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Cranky with a bit of happy


It’s funny how many emotions a person can feel in a day. Today, I started out cranky. I made breakfast, showered and then headed out to a fabric and craft store with the Mr. This definitely brightened my mood. We went window shopping after and had a great afternoon full of laughs.
Tonight is the Mr.’s guys night out. I was a bit down that he was going out because we had a great afternoon, but I already knew of his plans. I took a nap. And I ate junk. And I was bored. And I have aches and pains that I cant explain. Seems like today is ending the same way as it started. Cranky.

Day # 3 of 39

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Where’s the snow?


Today, the forecast called for 10-15 cm of snow. There were severe snow warning alerts issued since last night. We only received a light dusting in the early morning hours and then rain all day with temperatures hovering between 0-5C (32-41F) and I am not complaining one bit! For me, this has been a great winter so far. Very mild, little snow. Makes me happy!

Today, I chose to work on things that will benefit me directly at work. The company purchased a new help desk some time ago and it fell upon me to set it up and customize it to fit our organization. It is far from being complete and the focus in the past has been on the ticketing aspect of the system. This program integrates with our accounting system and “should” automate the billing reducing my work effort at month end. It does not yet, but I have started the process and it felt great to be doing something that will directly help me. Once I complete this on Monday, I hope to shave an entire day off my tedious month end invoicing routine. Fingers are crossed!

Last night the cake called louder then the sewing machine. Tonight, there is no more cake and I am ready to sew. I have actually found a pattern on-line for a bag that I really like. I think I will add it to my to-do list. But first, I have to finish the kitty couch!

Day # 2 of 39

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Today is a good day!


It’s been quite some time since I have blogged, but not a lot has happened over the past couple months. After the death of my Grandfather and immersing myself into the big quilt project, I found myself rather exhausted and holding in my grief. I decided to take a break from big sewing projects and blogging and just try to relax. Hah! Me relaxing. Funny! It didn’t work.

I have been working on a couple small projects though. I have almost FMQ’d my quilt and I have been making a kitty couch for my mom’s cat Buster. He is a Maine Coon weighing 25ish pounds and approximately 42″ long. He needs his own couch! I have also wanted to make my Grandmother a memory quilt with photos of her and my Grandfather, but I have realized that although I may want to make it, I am not ready to make it. Just writing this makes my eyes fill with tears.

Work is work and I am finally realizing with the help of a great friend Donna W. that there are things that I cannot change no matter what. She has helped give me tools and tips to make my days more productive, organized and less stressful for me and how to not stress over things that are not my responsibility. Heck, accounting duties are a full-time job in itself so why freak out about everything else?

I want to thank my friends over at BEEGRAZIANI and Wedding Dress Blue for emailing me to find out where I have been and for keeping me in their thoughts over the past little while. And my friends at Huckabee’s Place–you know who you are! And not to forget my Mom and Dad. Even from a distance they are always by my side. And last, but not least, the MR. My hubby. You are my rock. Thank you for just being there. I love you!

I have always been the strong on the outside and bottle it up on the inside kind of person. Who knew it would lead to feelings of exhaustion! I have been going to bed earlier. I try to make it to the gym but that doesn’t always happen! And I practice yoga breathing multiple times a day. Admitting I can’t always be the strong one has been hard for me and I still struggle with it. I am like my mother that way who is also like her mother. I come by it honestly. I am not Catholic, nor do I practice religion although I do have my beliefs and respect those beliefs of others, but I am participating in my own kind of Lent this year. I am giving up my “I am strong and suffer in silence” ways and I will ask for help. I will admit when I am defeated. I will openly feel emotions. I will grieve.

My goal for the next 39 days is to document how I feel in my blogs. They might be long-winded. They might be short. They will be my emotions at the time of writing. They may also include sewing projects.

Today is a good day. I went for 2 walks, did not need a nap to make it through the day and I have cried. I feel happy and am surrounded by love and my sewing machine is calling me and so is a piece of chocolate cake!

Day # 1 of 39

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