I haven’t kept up. I know this is partly due to laziness and my own reluctance to dive into my thoughts and feelings on a daily basis. Generally, mentally, I am a positive person and I tend to always look on the bright side of things. Emotionally, I tend to be along the same way more often then not. Physically, well, since the car accident just shy of 2 years ago, I have been full of aches and pains that I cannot explain and this frustrates the crap out of me.
I went through 9 months of physiotherapy and 5 months of massage therapy for the lower back and severe whiplash injuries I sustained from being rear-ended. And I rarely experience symptoms related to this ingury (YAY)! I also practiced yoga for a time but due to the economy, I can no longer afford the $150/month membership that my work graciously compensated me for an entire year. I do however, have a gym membership and my gym bag is collecting dust…
I had to stop yoga aside from the costs. I have developed a pain in my wrist quite severe that lasts for days when I over use it or apply weight to it. X-rays have been taken and results will be found out early April. As well, I have a pain in my shoulder that makes lifting anything over 10-15 lbs impossible without a sharp stabbing and burning pain. This is also the same arm as the wrist and happens to be my dominant arm. I question this pain a lot. Is it carpal tunnel, repetitive strain injury, damage to my rotator cuff, fibromyalgia? Are they releated or completely seperate pains. What are they caused by? The wrist, I have had issues with since a teenager on and off. The shoulder, well, this is new and it considerably limits what I can do in the gym.
I am also tired quite a lot. Blood tests showed by B12 was considerably low. I began taking B12 injections and although they helped, they did not help as much as I wanted. People tell me I have too much stress in my life and that I take on too much. I don’t feel stressed out all the time but perhaps my body is handing it in a different way and making me tired and achy. I have cried in these past 12 days though and I feel relief after. I am trying not to push my feelings deep down inside me. I have cried for my Grandfathers passing. I know I will never be done crying for him, but each time I do cry, a new memory pops up and makes me smile. I had 37 years with my Opa. That in itself is a blessing. I am one of the lucky ones to have had him for so long in my life.
Today I am tired mentally, emotionally and physically though. I am fed up of the aches and pain. The internet is a wonderful and terrible place at the same time. You can research your symptoms and end up with 30 different diseases. Thankfully, I see my GP in a month and can get a more educated guess of what is causing all of this and what I can do to help the process.
So, day 12 brings many different frustrations my way. Many would give up but that is not an option I would ever consider. I will get through this and be even stronger for doing it. It’s just a matter of determining the underlying cause and tackling it head on.
Day 12 of 39